Peace

Today I was faced with a decision of doing something that I know I had to do but I was really angry about why I had to do it. It was my teenage self coming through in resistance again and I was watching this anger. I realized that fear was behind the anger. Knowing thyself is really really important so that we may understand why we are making decisions from the heart instead of the head, the patterns or behaviours.

When I sat with the anger and went through this internal dialogue, I prayed. I prayed for my weakness to be healed by God and that I step into what I needed to step through. The answers came. They came in perspective of how I was looking at my myopic life. I was unable to see the big picture at that moment. It was strange. I have always had a big picture ability, but this perspective allowed me to let go of the anger. Allowed me to see that stepping into something that was uncomfortable is how I grow. It isn’t always easy and now that I have gotten so used to the feeling of discomfort, I am able to now refocus and sit with myself when those moments come up.

Some of the dialogue was argumentative within myself and I was fighting, resisting, stalling and doing all the tactics that make my teenager self come up and protest. But I realized that I had a fundamental piece of growth within myself and that was peace. Peace was a place that I can always rest when I move through something difficult. It is a place that…okay…I have to make this decision, my mind is putting up all these blocks, they all look familiar, they are all things I have seen over and over. I see it. I understand it but how do I move through it with trust? I had to move that anger, and the pattern of sabotage and resentment that could come up after because I had to make this decision. I knew that this was an ego driven “being right” program” that was time to let go and let go and let go one more time.

Once I allowed myself to receive, I realized that I could come to peace and come to terms with the decision I had made and see that even in the challenge, I was able to get through with strength, emotion, awareness, and the courage to change.

I don’t know it was about 6 months to 1 year ago I put this saying on my wall. I walk through challenges with strength, awareness and with the courage to change. It was something that I didn’t realize that I needed until today. My eyes were drawn to this saying and it really helped me to feel good again about moving through these challenges and coming to a place of peace. I think what was missing for me before was the full circle back to peace.

When I started my spiritual journey and I was learning about my emotions, I didn’t have peace as an emotion or feeling that was part of my experience. When I first learned of peace it was an uncomfortable feeling and now I can’t imagine having a life without it. Once I dipped my toe into peace, it has been a comforting feeling of grace that I can have in my relationship with myself. My soul wanted this thing and I was just learning how to honour my soul, honour what was good for me and honour my process of moving from anger to peace.

Anger was a place of fear also. It was putting up a fight of having to move out of my comfort zone to take a step into my purpose. I got confirmation from the Universe saying, you got this, do it, you’ll be okay, you can do it. So as I have again come to the place of peace, what is my next step to take and how do I do it?

My feeling is that we can take conscious steps into moving through our fears and holding space for our process or we can by-pass it in a train wreck that perhaps we once had learned how to manage. Although there are two options, I can tell you, having experienced both, the spiritual way is more supportive, calmer and it can always come back to peace. You just have to pray for it.

My prayer for you is to strengthen your connection to your soul’s light and purpose and to do it through your spiritual practice, even when you don’t know where you are going or what is in store. Just trust and deepen your faith. You will always be guided.

With much love, grace and peace as possible.

Jackie