Depression

Today I healed a part of myself that I didn’t understand that I didn’t have.  I always had this sense of being ungrounded in my thought processes.  I had difficulty focusing, staying on one train of thought and even being calm in my mind.  When I discovered that I had undiagnosed ADD, I realized that I was working all this time to heal my mind.  I was intuitively guided to Gabor Mate’s book, Scattered Minds.  I am so grateful for his wisdom that I can read a chapter and contemplate that I am not only not alone in the way my mind works, but that there is healing for it.

I was reading a chapter about connection.  When I think about it, it is difficult for me to connect.  Connect to Mother Earth, connect to others, connect to myself, connect to God, connect to structure, clarity of thought.  To think this was an underdeveloped brain process that was handed or not handed down from generational trauma.  But to see it from multigenerational aspect was eye opening.  Not only is it within my family lineage, it is a societal construct that we have developed by neglecting that inner wisdom within ourselves and looking for gratification outside of ourselves.  It has caused us to stress out, not be rested in ourselves and then passing that along down the line to create more chaos.

The connection was also defined as attachment and self regulation.  The reason we have ADD or Autistic tendencies is that we have not developed the right side of the brain to learn how to self regulate or connect or attach to self or Source.  This is a part of inherent learning that we are missing in the generational lineage.  When I think back to my grandparents that survived World War II, there was a huge lack of safety and survival during those times and in order to become whole, we need our spiritual practice and connection to God to heal those parts of ourselves.  They were stressed out beyond their capabilities as they were just trying to eat and fend for themselves, let a lone caring for their children in a meaningful, aware, loving, and connective way.  According to Gabor Mate, it is the state that children are able to see the disconnect within their nurturing parent (whoever that may be) and feel the difference between what the parent is feeling versus what they are trying to relay to the infant.  So the old saying, do as I say, not as I do, doesn’t work.  That is just another way of not taking responsibility for yourself and how you are raising your children or inner child (as it may be), and escape goating your way out of being responsible.

Once we assume responsibility for ourselves and our actions in this world then we can deepen into that and own our own emotions and actions in this world.  This is the difference between projecting or acting out our feelings through ADD or Autism versus, sitting with an issue in self reflection and inner guidance.  Once we open that portal of self regulation, acceptance and flow of our emotions, then we can become whole and free to be ourselves.  The suppression of emotion is depression.  The auric field depresses and we are unable to have the space to self regulate.  Now there may be other definitions of depression but in this case, the depression of the auric field is a sign that we have underdeveloped the right hemisphere of the brain which resides our unconscious emotions.  

Now the healing process can sometimes be ugly or messy.  I know that some of my process has been particularly messy.  That is not to judge but to give context to what it means to be human.  The less that we can judge ourselves, our generational or ancestral trauma, the more we can heal into our gentleness, our vulnerability our connection to self.  The more that we watch those judgments the more that we can heal ourselves.

As I rest in my new healing and I integrate the new brain functioning, it is with great service to whoever this is meant to reach, to keep hope, dig deeper into your spiritual experience, and know that you can heal anything that you set your mind to….even your mind.  Just pray for it.  You can do it.  You are more powerful that you can ever imagine.

With great reverence to your spiritual practice, I pray for your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual healing.

Blessings,

Jackie