Near Death Experience

Ten years ago, my husband and I, with a couple of friends, went white water rafting in Clearwater, B.C. It was after my father was diagnosed with cancer and after my spiritual awakening.

The day started with a beautiful sunny hike in the morning to a waterfall that was truly spectacular. We walked under this ice cold waterfall twice that day. It was an incredible force of nature. Cold, hypothermic, pounding and torrential. We then hiked down the mountain to begin the rafting, I began shaking uncontrollably. At the time, my body was showing me that I was in total fear. I didn’t know it at the time but I had drown in that water in a past life, so I was told. My body was deathly cold and I had lost all my strength in my body as I descended down this mountain to get to the raft. For me it was a feeling of dreaded anticipation that came with a feeling of hypoglycemia. I wanted to eat to get strength back in my body but what was really happening is I was anxious with anticipation of the impending incident unbeknownst to me.

When we arrived at the raft, the guide was instructing us on how to pull each other into the raft in case we were thrown from it. I was so exhausted that I told the guide that I wouldn’t be able to get back in the frigid water and do the drill but he insisted. I was left further tired and cold after the exercise and even more exhausted. It was like I was barely aware of what was to happen the rest of the day. I was in a daze. I was dissociated.

There were 3 couples in that raft that day. Three of the heaviest people were located on the right side of the boat (me included). At the beginning of this Class 5 rapid called Sabre-tooth, all 3 of us on the right side were immediately tossed out. I didn’t have the strength to even hold onto the side of the boat. I was catapulted straight up in the air and out. I have a vivid memory of being told to hang onto the boat and how to but when the time came, my hand was loosely holding onto a rope but I felt this expectation that I was going out. I didn’t hold onto the boat as I was instructed. What was going to happen was ordained or meant to happen. I travelled under the boat and as my helmet skidded under the raft like Morse Code, I began to sink down and down and down in the water. It was a peaceful and serene descent. My feet never touched bottom but I could feel there were rocks around me but I wasn’t close to them. It was crazy. I was wearing a life jacket but I was sinking. I didn’t feel like I was forced down by the water. It was just a wonderful falling feeling that was easy, peaceful and timeless.

I don’t know if this was a near death experience. There were no lights, no tunnels, no pictures. I didn’t meet God. Jesus didn’t appear. It was just a feeling of complete peacefulness that if I were to die, this is the way to go.

But then in the peace, I answered to a question that I did not hear…“No, I didn’t want to die, I just got married”. I was just newly married to my husband about 2 or 3 years and I didn’t want to leave him. I was in my mid 40’s and I had just finally met the man that God brought to me. I wasn’t ready to leave him. We have a life together and I really really love him.

I now finally had something to live for. I then found the strength to kick my legs and move my arms to get to the surface. Who knows where I found the strength to bring myself up from the depths of the water. I surfaced. I wasn’t out of breath, I don’t know how long I was down there, I didn’t feel weak, but I didn’t feel strong. What I felt was calm. I assessed my situation quickly and helped the one guy that was left in the water and I thought for some reason he was in worse shape than I was and I put him closer to the raft so he could be pulled out. I was then pulled out and rested safely in the boat.

I was in total shock. The guide must have asked me 20 times if I was alright. My speech was gone from me. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even look at the guide. I could only keep asking where my shoes where. I didn’t loose my sunglasses on the string around my neck. I was in tact. I wasn’t injured but I was traumatized. I was told that we would be reaching the shore soon for lunch but I was outside of myself for the rest of that day. I could barely tell you what happened.

But something had changed. Was this a near death experience? It was the death of my old life. I was looking at the sky with a wonder that I had never experienced. I was looking at the beautiful rock mountains wondering how they were formed over those many many years. I was admiring how red they were, how the trees were growing out the sides, how it joined in the river in meeting. I saw a bear eating beside the river, it was a miracle that he showed himself. All the while a beautiful butterfly fluttered above our raft. I noticed her and thanked her for being with me the whole time, it was significantly long, unusually long. She was my spirit guide that never left my side. She was with me as I thanked her over and over and over. I don’t know why, it was like thank you for being with me because no one else could understand this but her, thank you for showing me all this, thank you for the accident, thank you for the opening into this place of love. It was a connection to this life and a feeling of being alive that I had never experienced before. It was a connection with spirit that was no different than being here admiring this earth. It was profound. It was love.

I was saved twice that day by my husband. Once when I made the decision to stay alive for him and then again when he pulled me into the raft. He was the one that pulled everyone into the raft that day.

What I can tell you today about this experience, is that although I made the decision to stay alive for him, I was able to see that my life was worth living for me. That I could love myself as much as I loved him. That I could love and connect with Source and live my life to the fullest and live with purpose and still be connected and love my husband. I didn’t need to live for him, I could live with him and we could both be connected to God but still love each other deeply. I was finally catching up to his spiritual knowing of God and love. It was a miracle.

The gift of this accident keeps giving. I could feel a hole close up that was a place of just living in this depressed state. Changing from being a victim of my life to wanting to live, co-create and to serve my purpose with empowerment. It was a change from just living my day to day life without being responsible to being 100% responsible. To joining with those unconditionally loving beings everywhere to all lift each other up in this thing called life.

I am grateful for this experience in my life because of the gifts that it keeps bringing to me. It showed me to love me. It showed me who loves me. It showed me how to love. Thank you to my guides, spirit guide and God for this wonderfully tough but profound experience that turned into a healing. God Bless you all.