Stubborness
I was working through receiving God’s light today and I was stuck in this place of “Why can’t I bring this light into me?” And I heard…stubborn.
Stubborn - Great! Here we go again…lol. I thought I looked at this already. Nope. I needed to feel it. Not to just look at it, to move the energy around it and see how I was holding myself back…..
First I looked at beliefs, then I saw all these thoughts and fears and stuckness and family patterning, ancestral programming and cultural labels. It was a big look at stubbornness. In order for me to work out stubbornness I had to ask why? Why was I stubborn? Why did I plant myself in this unmoving space? What was I meant to learn from this? And I realized, it was fear. Fear of making a mistake, fear of moving forward, fear of trying again, fear of learning, fear of being frozen, fear of looking stupid, and fear of living. I really really had to sit down and feel into that space and realize that I was lacking the grace of God’s love and the love of the feminine with myself, with others and within myself. It was the only thing that could help me move from a place of stubborn stuckness. How ironic…the very thing I was being stubborn with was the very thing I needed…..Geez…..
From the place of full responsibility for myself, my actions, and all my experiences and who I am as a human I needed the grace to open to God’s light and receive. I needed to receive the grace of the feminine. It was the only thing that would soften me up enough to accept that I am not my wounding but that when I trust God, I will be taken to places that I have never experienced before. It will be shown and experienced as magic. I can relax and sit in the grace of knowing myself and what to do. I will heal the place in me that is stubborn which is really just mislabeled as fearing. It needs to be replaced with love. Lots of love. Lots of feminine flow of love.
We aren’t meant to sit in our mistakes and we aren’t meant to shut ourselves down because of a mistake. When we judge our mistakes and how we are in this life, we are unaccepting of our experiences of being human, how we experience our learning and our being. It is human, it can be messy, it can be graceful, it can be all kinds of things, but if we let go of our expectations of perfectionism or how it should look or that we should have sailed through something easier, it just isn’t the case. It isn’t human. It isn’t real. It’s a trick of the mind to try to keep us safe.
What’s real is I picked up knitting needles yesterday and I was trying to learn how to knit. I did the first line over and over and over. The loops were loose and then tight and then loose and then tight. It was all over the place. But how can I get good at anything if I stop, freeze and don’t try again. Just like my knitting, I had to step into learning yet again. I figure that if I look at it as energy, I can get to a place where I can move through it much more easily. And if I look at my spiritual practice 10 years ago, I would be stuck in stubbornness for a lot longer and beat up on myself all that much more and hold resentment towards it. The key is I am getting better and better everyday at looking at these things within myself, mystically parenting myself through it and then taking a step again and again. I am becoming more and more of my authentic self every day, every moment of every day and I am letting go of the programming, the patriarchal programming and I am inviting and receiving love so that this change can happen. Even the patriarch needs love. Love heals all…don’t you know.
But the mind is tricky. You have to watch your thoughts. You have to change your thoughts. It’s all in your mindset. If you are historically hard on yourself when you make mistakes or that was the family programming or dynamic, it’s time to change it. Change it to loving encouraging thoughts. And believe me, there was a time that I thought I couldn’t change my thoughts, but that isn’t true at all. We can do what we choose to do. That is how powerful we are.
So the next time you are feeling stubborn, remember this, we are all human and our experiences, our ancestral lineage, our culture, our influences, our programming is all around us and in us and the only way to heal these parts of ourselves is with the unconditional love of God. And we are all worth it. We are all worth the work, the toil, the change, the love. Because we are works in progress, we are human and we get through it with much more grace and forgiveness and love when we are connected to a higher power. The power that knows what is best for ourselves, we just need to be willing to go there.
I know this is deep, and I accept that about myself. I accept that the stubbornness that I feel within me now has changed over time and that it was and is through the grace of God that it has changed. I am here to tell you that no matter what your upbringing, ancestral lineage, cultural programming, that you have the ability to change. It is a CHOICE. If you choose not to, that’s okay. If you choose to, that’s okay to. Our victim mentality changes when we change and we choose to make those changes within ourselves. So maybe you didn’t get dealt a healthy hand at life. I get it. Boy do I get it. But we can lift ourselves out of our circumstances with the light of the Grace of God. We just have to allow ourselves to change.
The ego doesn’t like that though does it? Nope. But I believe we are made in the light of God’s name. The change doesn’t change who we are, it changes how we experience our lives. It’s reframing our thoughts so that we aren’t stuck in fear and stubbornness but gently with love and grace allowing ourselves to make mistakes, move through it, try it again and love ourselves enough to ask ourselves….”What did I learn from this experience and how can I do it better for myself.” And a little encouragement along the way with…way to go you stepped up and did it again. You are a spiritual warrior. You are resilient. You are learner in life and you have the capacity to grow.
So…step up for yourself. Step up for your growth. Step up for your ability to have a more fulfilled life. Step up to feeling joy, step up to coming out of the shadows and taking your place within the cosmic web and be yourself. Engage. Get to know yourself. Get to know your needs. Get to know your Soul. Let go of other’s expectations and thoughts and their need to think they know better than you what is best for you. That’s their stuff. Learn about your stuff and live by your own truths. That’s the way to live. Have I got it all figured out? Heck no. I am a work in progress just like you. I know that I am deepening into grace for myself just like the proverbial onion, one layer at a time.
My wish for you is that you feel into the depths of yourself and unpeel that onion for your own life. May God/Source/Creator grace you with his/her presence in that unconditional love and may it change you to live the life you are destined for. Your purpose.
With the greatest amount of humility and gratitude I thank the Divine for the unconditional love of Source, the continued healing of the stubbornness and to lift me to my purpose with grace.
Warmly,
Jackie