Mental Wellness
As our society unearths more mental illness, it reveals itself in our relationships, in our homelessness, in our anger, in our government in all aspects of our lives. It touches us in many many ways.
As I contemplate my own mental wellness and dig deeper into the roots of what is mental wellness, I ask “Why I am so addicted to my mind?”
When I look at my cultural heritage, being of German descent, I see that there is a lack of responsibility, overuse of the ego, and a denial of what actually is (generally speaking and in my experience of the German culture). There are many coping mechanisms that German people used all the way back to WWII. In the European context of how white people have used their minds maybe all the way back to Roman Empire times, who knows? But what I see when I watch the Netflix specials regarding the German survivors/perpetrators/soldiers of WWII, in the interviews they are in denial of what happened or their parts in it. There is a sense of lack of responsibility and a mental justification for what happened or just a plain denial of the actual truth. Now I am not trying to show the German people as victims or perpetrators, I am just looking at their thought processes and seeing that there are some real discrepancies of truth and how we allow our mind processes the atrocities and wrongdoings when it is difficult to fathom, admit or come to the terms of the truth of what has occurred. This has engrained in the German people, the stubborness, fear, square headedness and denial that takes us far far away from our authentic selfs. This is a loop of the mind to avoid the emotion.
The human mind is designed to protect itself when traumatized. Now if WWII isn’t any indication, from a German perspective, the energy that is carried down ancestral generations will bring about more trauma. How that trauma shows up can be as abuse within the family, anger, over identifying or addiction to the mind. But however it shows up, it is trauma. It is the energy that has been carried down from generation to generation and the only way to stop it is to look at it and heal it. I think this can also be classified as white patriarchal control or wounding.
Now if you are a couple or a few generations after WWII (and German descent), then you will still carry this trauma (unless you are actively healing it). We know this when we look at the trauma sustained by our Indigenous Brothers and Sisters. There will be 7 generations of trauma to work through. Not only for the Indigenous but for the White Man/person. We as humans and our healing must look at our culture as well as our humanity.
We haven’t even spoken of trauma sustained after WWII that is acted out within the family unit down the generational line. Whether it physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or mental abuse, there is much to work through.
Abuse that comes from war of any kind and any culture, is mark on the soul that leaves victims in their wake. We must then, learn to pick up our pieces.
Just imagine, my grandfather was actually in WWII on the German side, of course. I have heard stories of how it changed him and the atrocities that he either committed or witnessed changed his behaviour to abusive. We aren’t meant, as humans, to be at war with one another. When we are at war, we carry that war home to our loved ones and act it out on them. It is now part of the trauma story and energy that carries on down the line until the brave souls that are meant to be of service to greater healing of the human collective, learn to be courageous and look at all the sides of trauma.
For me, I have experienced trauma within the family unit that has been an extension of that German heritage, that is overly prideful, self righteous, squared headedness, not listening, and stubborn to a fault. This is not an easy thing to admit. It is heavy, icky and dripping with shame. But what I have learned in my healing that looking at these parts of myself and accepting and ACkNOWLEDGING what me and my family have been through is a fact. How it started….who knows? But it has happened. Maybe it’s a part of just being human!
What I know for sure is that sitting in the acknowledgement and feeling the feelings that need to come up is critical to healing. Self care and learning to love yourself when you weren’t loved the way you should or we are meant to have been loved is a new learning. Learning to speak your truth, sit in the piles of crap that have surfaced and admitting, accepting, acknowledging is critical. After that begins the loving, honouring and forgiveness. It’s all connected. It’s all important and it’s all a choice. You can choose to be the best version of yourself and step into your pain or you can bypass it. I have done both. What I can tell you is the victimized part of me was dripping in shame and weakness. The newer version of myself is a work in progress and I can honestly say that within my spiritual practice and my connection to God/Source, I am learning everyday to be more brave for myself. I am learning to love myself more deeply in a healthy way. I am learning to heal my relationships when they were broken and with those that want to heal. I am learning to trust myself. The list goes on and on and on. And there is no way that I could have done this without my spiritual awakening and my connection to Source. I am so grateful, deeply grateful and I acknowledge the unconditional love that I feel from God every day that it has given me the strength to move forward and learn. Because without God/Her/Him, I would be bypassing it as I did the first 50+ years of my life.
The question to myself was, How do I really want to live my life? In full denial of my humanity or in the fullness of my humanity, no matter what has happened with great forgiveness and love? You can either pay for it later in some form of cancer or illness within the body as denial or unexpressed emotion or broken relationship, or you can pay for it moment to moment in the reality of being human. No matter which way you choose, it’s up to you and it’s all part of being human. No one is immune to it. For me, I didn’t want the rest of my life to be wasted on denial and not loving myself. I wanted more for myself. I wanted love. I want love. I am love. So are you.
So if you are on your path and doing the most loving thing you can for yourself, and you need a spiritual warrior to walk the path with you, connect with me and my horse program, do a consult, or love yourself through a hypnosis session. I am in service and of service.
With warmth, humility and generosity,
Jackie