Living with Anger
When you have been victimized there is a processing that occurs in how to heal and come back into wholeness. For me it’s been a journey. When I think back, there was a time I was dissociated, there was a time I was depressed, there was a time that I projected but I feel like today, I can look at that internal anger, recognize it, hold it lovingly and ask it for what it wants to do.
When you are in the throws of anger, that is burning out of control, it is hard to know what to do. This could be the time that we express ourselves physically to expel or exert or release the anger or this can be the time we give it a voice. For me all of the above work. But most of all, there is a component that was missing, that I am working on and that is the absence and reemergence of love. How do I hold this anger lovingly, with understanding, forgiveness, and reframing of the mind. I can tell you that the anger and resentment can take a physical toll if we aren’t diligent in balancing the loving part of ourselves.
Now, this may not be easy when we are in the throws of just trying to understand how an event occurred, or what prompted someone to do something that was so hurtful to ourselves or others, but maybe we don’t ever understand. Maybe we just hold it in compassion. The deepest compassion and mercy that we are able to reach for. With the help of Source, we can have compassion for that which we don’t understand, or that is too much for us to handle. For me, I give this problem to the Divine. It is too much for us to sometimes bear the weight of someone else’s actions. Sometimes, it is just best to let it go to the Divine for their unconditional loving compassion. Divine intervention. Divine healing. Divine peace. Divine forgiveness.
This is just where I am at in this moment. I don’t know if I can ever forgive, but as I watch these words that I am writing, at least I have grown from a place of I will never forgive to I don’t know if I can forgive. It is growth. It is showing me that I can move the needle from deep resentment to giving this to the Divine to heal. To trusting in the unconditional love of the Divine to heal this situation. To honouring my humanness, giving space to my feelings, allowing myself to feel and to taking mindful steps to love myself through this. I can do this without projecting, without suppressing, without being dissociated from my feelings, and without denying how I am feeling. I think to be human is to allow ourselves to feel. Our watery emotions allow us to feel, move, act, release, honour respect, empathize, observe and love ourselves in this human experience. When we can do this for ourselves, then we can do it for and with others. And model what it is to be a human that is walking in wellness.
Not to belabour a point, but the more that we can know ourselves, our wounds, our patterns, our behaviours, our Selves, the more we can be in harmony with everything else. The easier life will become. Could I have done this in my 20’s, 30’s or 40’s, heck no. But I don’t think we were meant to. I think that this is my time to embody the wise woman within me and to share the wisdom that life has brought me so that others have the foundation to love themselves through their pain, heart ache, wounding, abandonment, betrayals, unrequited love, all those things that “happened” to us, that we are trying to heal.
So with having said all that, I would like to invite you to go into yourself and find that really really loving part of yourself and love your self so much that the anger isn’t dissipated but has it’s place. And when you find that place with you that your anger resides, you can tend to it. You can hold that anger and let go of the cancer, the autoimmune disease, the depression. You can give your anger a voice, a flow, a release. You can clean your lymphatic system to the flow of water or love and let go of that stored unopened anger. You can give your kidneys a loving change of flow and allow them to process the water energy without storing the anger in them. You can give your brain and mind, loving energy that flows through and heals the white searing light of anger and resentment. Because the only person you are hurting is you, so it’s time to go inward and love yourself, even if you are angry.
I pray that this finds you healing your body, mind and soul so much that you come back to yourself.
With much love
Jackie