ADD and Fear
I have been told by a mental health professional in a spiritual training that I have ADD/ADHD. When I research this, I know it to be true. And when I am totally honest with myself, I can tell you that my mind has difficulties staying on topic, my thoughts can be jumbled, I can lack focus, and my emotions are tied closely to these thoughts. I can hit emotional dysregulation very quickly can break down easily.
What is actually happening is a deep deep place of fear. It is called xenophobia. How it presents is in the root chakra in connection with the mind. A place of deep programming from birth, perhaps ancestral, or past life, and it is difficulty even living or being alive. Xenophobia is a crippling fear, hatred, of strangers or foreigners or of strange and foreign things.
In my experience, I can tell you that I have had a very interesting relationship with fear all of my life. I have always by-passed my fear. In sports, in moving forward, in tactics that I took to avoid facing the fear and stepping into something new. It all resulted in manipulation, control, overpowering, victimhood, lying to myself, being right, avoidance, arguing, flighting, freezing, claiming to not knowing what to do, and the list goes on. They were all tactics. Unconscious tactics but tactics all the same. Oh…did I mention eating the fear down with food - stuffing it down with food.
When I started this deep spiritual awakening in 2013, I was curious why I had all these weird behaviours and programs. It was like I had built a labyrinth of ways to avoid my spirit, to stepping into living my life, and starting new things. It was a way to hold on to depression. Not be responsible. Not to be authentic, to not be real with myself and others. It was a real lonely life and not a very happy one at that.
As I research ADD from a spiritual perspective, it is actually what I have believed all along. We are spiritually depleted as a society. We are running from our own spirits. We are so afraid of our light and we have absorbed all these tactics, methods, beliefs, lies, structures, ancestral/societal programming that all of this distraction takes us from our light.
The truth of the matter is that in our lives there is nothing more important than our relationship with ourselves and God/Divine/Source/Creator. Because when we cultivate that light within us, we can see the light in others even through all the trauma, drama, disfunction, diagnosis, enmeshment, narcissism, and disconnection.
What I would say is that I know it’s been 10 years later but now that I know what this is, I can love myself through it. I can actually hold this fear in a place of love and allow myself to transmute this fear and change it to whatever it wants to be so that I can move to more love. Will it happen all at once, I think probably not. I will have to wait and see what my spirit brings to me to step through each moment of every day. But the empowerment that I feel and the base work that I have done to set myself up to move through it has helped me to live a more whole life. Is it perfect, nope, I am human after all. But I have accumulated a tool box that has given me many ways to work through this xenophobia or fear and to step into a more fulfilling life, on my terms.
Do you feel that you can step into your life in your own terms, face challenges, embrace your fears, enjoy life, and do you have the skills to work through your fears?
In my experience with ADD even ADHD, our bodies, minds and emotions can be quite sensitive and working through our healing with animals, plants, minerals and the Earth is a very gentle, loving, and kind way for us to connect with our authenticity. It just takes us time and kindness towards ourselves and our healing.
If working with horses, plants, or the land is something that would resonate with your healing journey, I encourage you to connect with me and we can go through this journey, together. I pray that you connect with the courage of the bear to help you through your fear and step into your life authentically.
Warmly,
Jackie