Letting Go
As I was contemplating structuring and had a conversation with a peer and he said, when we are going through something really tough and we are trying to find our footing that the best thing to do is to “Let Go”.
When I awakened in 2013, I started my spiritual practice with Surrender and Letting Go. I was generally just letting go of everything. It has been a time of shedding the old, what wasn’t mine, to clear out all the debris, and to find out what is my truth. What is really me?
When I think about structure and this lesson of learning about structure, it occurred to me that I let go and surrendered so much that I didn’t have the ability or know how to set a structure. I let go too much, or I let go so much that I didn’t didn’t know how to build. Build resilience. Build structure. Build stamina. Build strength. Build balance. Build co-relation.
When I started letting go of all the structures when I awakened, it was because I was so suppressed. I was letting go of control. The fearful control of how people treated me. Control of my surroundings. Control of people. Control of my diet. Control of my words. Suppression of my emotions. Control control control. I learned how to control, to hold that wounding in a safe bubble that I would never have to touch. That was the control. But I also recognized that structures imposed on me or I imposed on myself, was what I was breaking down.
It was like I had to clear the slate. Dump the baggage. Hit control, alt, delete and do a reboot, so that I could build up what I never had, wasn’t taught, didn’t understand, and what I wanted for myself that felt good. It’s like I had all these beliefs, structures, controls in place to keep me from myself. So instead of letting go, I needed to rebuild. I was raw. I was now a clean slate. It is now a place to use those affirmations that help me support myself in my growth. I feel into what it is I need to hold in place as a structure. For instance…it is safe for me to have my emotions to indicate where my boundaries need reinforcing, adjusting or setting. Those are the bottom 3 chakras. That is the strengthening in our basic foundational selves. What feels good for us and what doesn’t. What we believe about ourselves, how to trust ourselves, how to build confidence, how to become more of who we are in the world.
So thank you to my peer that said what he said, thank you for the trigger, and I trust my soul to guide me to a stronger foundational self.
The spiritual medicine in this is, trust your soul’s guidance and what is coming up for refinement and actualization. When you sit in your own discomfort, emotions, triggers and unformed parts of yourself, know that you have it in you to grow, to hold, to structure, to form what it is you need to be true to yourself.
I lovingly bow to your own process and your own wisdom and may this reach those who need a little help to dive in just a little deeper and hold yourself in the place of the unknown, until you do know.
Love
Jackie