Who am I?

Today I was working through a situation wherein I was scared about moving forward, something was finishing and I was beginning something new.  I was judging the interaction I was having with a person and noticing an old program or behaviour that was potentially sabotaging a relationship.

Now I was healing this aspect from a spiritual generational and ancestral perspective that was based on ignoring fear of one thing and taking it out on someone else.  Like a projection of my emotional state into a situation that maybe could have been less intense or compartmentalized.

So today I received a song in my mind that was “Killing me Softly….with his song”. As I process that information, I understand that this triangle of projecting emotions on to others when in fear about something else is a wounded part of the ancestral line that went back 3 generations.

And in the midst of this change with spring equinox coming, there are are a number of things happening.  You can feel the energy is chaotic or busy or a lot of things going on and the only way to get back to things was to recenter and get back to self.

But my question is Who are you/me?  Who are we without the generational trauma and fear and behaviours?  Is that who we really are?  Is that what we are meant to change or not meant to change?  Am I meant to carry on that ancestral fear and baggage and call it my own when I don’t know what it means, where it came from, or if I do know where it came from, just because we are related am I to hold on to this wounding and continue to sabotage relationships?  It feels kinda fear based…doesn’t it?

There is this saying in the spiritual community to not change yourself.  But if you are so weighted down by the dysfunction, trauma, abuse, addiction, and sabotage, then what is the use for the spiritual path?  And who are we really?  Are we just beings of light with no personality?  Are we to live with these limiting behaviours?  Are we to stay in our heads?  Or do we finally connect with our hearts and take steps from there?

I feel like the kicking up of chaos and too much information can be a place of sabotage.  If we are so afraid to move forward step by step, then we will sit in the place of sabotage or chaos or whatever we create until we get centered and whole.

There comes a point when we just have to surrender to ourselves.  Give in to our inner knowing, our inner wisdom and our inner Self.  It is the act of GIVING IN to ourselves, not giving up on ourselves.  Giving up on ourselves is an old program that was an escape when we didn’t know better to give in to ourselves.  It’s time to let go of what we “think” is the right thing to do but to feel into what is the right thing to do for ourselves.  And if we are avoiding our feelings, let’s reparent ourselves and hold ourselves in the vulnerability of being human.  The softness and empathy for our humanness.  Letting go of the limiting belief of our limited selfs.  Let’s become unlimited.  Let’s become powerful.  Let’s become clear.  Let’s become our real authentic selves.  What do you say?  Are you with me?  Come out of your spiritual closet and open up to yourself more deeply than you have ever before.  Let go of the limit we set for ourselves and open up to more authentic you.

Warmly,

Jackie